Arrested Development became a comedy classic after its original first three seasons aired on television. Finding an appreciative audience after its cancelation in 2006, Netflix revived the show in 2013 for a successful fourth season.
The Bluth family is filled with terrible people who make selfish and awful decisions. But none compare to the savage Lucille Bluth, the family matriarch who thrives on judging others and speaking her mind. No one is safe from her scathing tongue, especially her children. She is not always politically correct and she doesn’t care. Here are the 10 most brutal burns from Lucille Bluth, ranked.
The High Cost of Bananas
Before the family’s banana stand goes up in flames, taking all the hidden money with it, Michael and his son run it with as much integrity as the Bluths can manage. He refuses to let his brother take any free handouts just because he’s family. Lucille’s response to the slight: “It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?”
Though the insult shows how out of touch she is with the real world, it still manages to make her son seem like a cheapskate and a bad brother.
Lucille vs. Lucille
Lucille Bluth’s ongoing rivalry with the Other Lucille brings out the worst in her. But one burn, in particular, stands out as the two women compare their marriages. When Lucille Bluth tells the other, “At least he’s in prison, not an urn,” in regards to her husband it’s a devastating blow.
Somehow, though she’s mocking her circumstances as well, she manages to deliver a painful hit to her nemesis. It’s a classic Lucille move to take someone down with her on her road to hell.
The Buster Blues
Lucille suspects her mood swings stem from her being off her postpartum depression medication. When Michael points out that medicine was from when Buster was born 32 years ago, she responds, “That’s how long I’ve been depressed about him.”
Even her youngest child, whom she dotes on the most, isn’t safe from her sarcasm. The irony, of course, is that Buster is so childlike because she’s treated him as a child his entire life. The depression she feels about her son is a problem of her own making.
The Queen of Backhanded Compliments
Sometimes Lucille finds a shred of motherly love in her to let her children know that she cares for them. She tells Michael, “You’re my third least favorite child,” which is the closest she’ll ever come to saying “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” But the backhanded compliment, which is exactly how Lucille sees this statement, stings more than a forthright insult would have.
One can argue she judges so hard out of love. Thankfully, Michael understands his mother and says he can live with that.
She Literally Doesn’t Care
When Michael tells her of her folly with a bit for Jimmy Kimmel Live, Lucille responds, “I don’t know who that is and I don’t care to find out.” She has such a strong sense of self that she doesn’t need to know who others are or care one wit about them. She has neither the time nor the desire to learn about what exists outside her own life if it doesn’t affect her.
With that simple declaration, Lucille once more proves that sometimes the most cutting insults are short, sweet and to the point.
The Truth Hurts
In the show’s pilot episode Lucille Bluth showcases her biting humor with the statement, “I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.” That death was preferable to life in Arizona may have insulted viewers from the state, but Lucille’s most savage burns often sting because they hold a grain of truth to them. Even Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place admits that Arizona blows. Lucille Bluth has no problem being honest, especially if it hurts others.
She Doesn’t Care for Gob
Many times throughout the series Lucille makes clear that she does not care for her eldest son, Gob. One moment she’s telling the viewers that she loves all her children equally while the next she’s dismissing Gob. She even goes so far as to lie straight to his face when he walks into the room asking about a party he just heard her talking about and she tells him, “No.”
It’s another example of how Lucille speaks the truth many are afraid to say, like how parents do have favorite kids.
She Hates Bonding With Lindsay
Lucille always offers her daughter wisdom in her constant declarations of, “Get a job.” But one of the funniest moments of mocking Lindsay’s unemployed status comes when her daughter comes to the house stating she has the day free. Lucille’s response is, “Did ’nothing’ cancel?”
She has no problem letting her only daughter know that she can’t be a mooching housewife for the rest of her life. Sometimes tough love is the only way to get through to someone, but Lucille’s attempts haven’t had much success.
She’s Stone Cold
In a rare moment of vulnerability, Michael confides in his mother during a tough emotional time. Lucille at first appears sympathetic as she says, “I wanna cry so bad.” As Michael thinks he’s finally made a breakthrough with his mother, she follows up with, “But I don’t think I can spare the moisture.”
The look on his face says it all as he realizes this is the mother he knows. Lucille’s ability to fool others for even a moment that she’s capable of empathy makes the insult that follows all the more powerful.
Tobias Fünke is a Moron
Her son-in-law Tobias is a total idiot, and no one knows it better than Lucille Bluth. When Tobias gets a vanity plate that reads “ANUSTART” its intended meaning (A New Start) gets twisted into a classic Lucille burn. Without having even seen the license plate, she greets him with a scathing, “Hello, Anus Tart.”
Lucille’s insults are so precise that she is unwittingly 10 steps ahead of everyone. But then again, being 10 steps ahead of Tobias is child’s play for a burn queen like Lucille.
